The Hungry Horseman

On the Road Again…

For the last several months, I have basically been on the road.  For some reason people think traveling is glamorous.  Here are some examples of fun that I had in transit:

-Tires blowing out at 108 degrees in Kansas- resulting in extended stays at the McDonald’s Playland with a my 21 month old and lots of extremely load, annoying children.

-camper legs flying off

-tire wheels also flying off

-flat tires (tires seems to be a theme here)

One specific incident which, in retrospect, is slightly humorous:

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We woke up early to a cold morning, and I had to hitch up the trailer and get on my way to pick someone up from the airport.  After hooking up, I realized that TWO not ONE of my tires were almost flat.  After barely making it to the gas station to fill them, I headed to the airport and finally made it to the convention center where I would be for the weekend.  Remember- it was just me and my toddler (21 months but is already in the terrible twos).

After dragging my toddler around who weighs as much as a baby sea lion, I found a security guard hiding within the bowels of the convention center that could tell me where to park my camper.  20 minutes later, I was unhooked, and getting ready to peel out to teach some lessons. Right about then, the same security guard swings by and asks me to move the camper.  I told him no freak’n way, and he peeled off in his golf cart.

I had one more thing to do- hide the key to the camper for my husband.  I hopped out of the camper and began to test my recently cut spare key on the camper to make sure that it would work.  As I was doing that- and of course, time slowed down at this very moment- I heard the scramble of little feet and hands and CLICK.  The door was now locked and Reed, my toddler, was on the other side.

Instantly, he realized that he had locked me out, and the screeching began.  Of course, everything was in there- my phone, my purse- and the key that worked.

I found a friend of mine close by and told him to call security and AAA.  I tried to remain calm.  The security guard, of course, was hiding again, so he was nowhere to be found, and AAA was not answering.   I had to do something quick. I walked around the camper and saw a small- really small- window- opened next to the chair.  I called to him and he actually came- a first- and proceeded to climb up the chair, and then starting climbing out the window feet first (breech) like a baby monkey.  How he knew to come out feet first was beyond me.  Needless to say, minus one little shoe, he came out intact.

No there was the problem of key retrieval.  AAA finally did call back. The repair guy was on his way, but was currently in another COUNTY, and proceeded to tell me that he had never opened a camper before, so didn’t know if he could open it or not (great).  I told him he probably just needed a pair of plyers and a can opener to get into my camper (don’t ever buy a Coleman Camper).

I didn’t have time for this- I went into the auditorium and asked if anyone had a:

1.Pair of Plyers or can opener- maybe even a credit card

2. Could break into things

3. I was opened to suggestions.

The guy from the saddle area asked- “How big is the window?  I bet my 6 year old could fit in there.”

“If he can, I’ll pay him $5!”

Off we went to the trailer.  Seconds later, the kid slithered in the window (he wanted the $5) and opened the door.

Just about then, AAA called- they were in the parking lot- happily, I told them a 6 year got ‘er done!

Of course, all of this stress made me pretty hungry.  Here’s a recipe from the cookbook files:

Lemon Yogurt Cake

I love this cake- it so sooo good in the summer because the lemon is so refreshing!

1 cup of butter (the Pioneer Woman would love this)

1 ½ cups of sugar

4 eggs

1 tablespoon of lemon zest

1 teaspoon of vanilla

2 ½ cups of flour

1 teaspoon of baking powder

1 teaspoon of baking soda

¼ teaspoon of salt

1 cup of plain lowfat yogurt (this is the only thing lowfat about this recipe!)

¾ cup of sliced almonds

½ cup of fresh lemon juice

1. Using an electric mixer, beat the butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy.  Slowly beat in 1 cup of the sugar.  Add the eggs, one at t time, beating thoroughly after each addition.  Beat in the lemon zest and vanilla.
2. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a medium bowl.  Fold in 1/3 of the dry ingredients into the butter mixture and then fold in 1/3 of the yogurt.  Repeat 2 more times with the remaining flour and yogurt.
3. Fold in the almonds.  Spoon the batter into a 9” bundt pan which has been greased and floured.  Baked in the pre-heated 350 degree oven for 1 hour, or until a toothpick inserted in the center come out clean.

Meanwhile, in a small non-aluminum saucepan, heat the remaining ½ cup of sugar and the lemon juice until the sugar dissolves, about 5 minutes.  Slowly pour the hot lemon syrup evenly over the cake while still in the pan.  Let cool completely in the pan before unmolding.  Can serve it with fruit or sauce!!!

The Hungry Horseman

When I first heard about the Pioneer Woman, I really thought that she hung out in a covered wagon and was involved in some kind of reenactment deal.  I had heard that there were reality shows like that-

Then I saw her show on Food Network, and realized, she didn’t live in a covered wagon at all- she had a beautiful house (actually two of them- one she calls “the lodge”) and she has a fleet of White Ford SUVS as well as a herd of horses, kids, and a really cute husband.

Of course, I bought her cookbook and record her show.

Nevertheless, I love her blog.  I think, though, in reality, I am closer to the pioneer woman than she is.  Yes, she lives in the middle of nowhere- but she doesn’t travel that much- unless she is running up to the store with her long eared basset hound via Ford Explorer to grab some ingredients.  I, on the other hand, travel via Older White Ford Truck with my Coleman Camper in Tow- to all sorts of remote locations.  At this point, I am into week two of my summer odyssey which will include traveling up the East Coast all of the way to Maine.  From there, I will drift back down towards New York and then take a sharp right to Colorado- where I will be for three months.   That is much more pioneerish in my book.

Along the way, I will have plenty of traveling stories.  In fact, I already do.  When I left my farm in route to my clinic in NC, my wheel flew off of my wagon/camper- not just the tire- the whole wheel.  Now if that isn’t something out of a pioneer story, I don’t know what is.  A friendly trucker signed to me that I only had one wheel, and thankfully I found someone that could fix it-  don’t know how pioneer like it is to have exits, i phones that talk to you and AAA is, but it all fell into place.

Every day is an adventure.  Today, while traveling with Reed (my 19^th month only son- human, not horse) I rescued an ungrateful snapping turtle that tried to cross the interstate.  Afterwards, I fed my child graham crackers covered in turtle dirt.  Soon after, I pulled over at a Ramada parking lot to change him- I sherriff followed me- I thought, great, I am busted.  They saw me do something crazy that involved child endangerment- feeding him the crackers with turtle dirt or maybe they read on my last blog how he ate horse pooh, who knows.  Luckily, he was just following some crazy lady who happened to be within a few yards of me and then proceeded to arrest her.  Just an average traveling day in my world.

So when I finally, landed to my comfy little RV Park in Crozet, VA, I whipped up a nice dinner for me, my husband and the little bambino.  My husband wasn’t around for the snapping turtle or any of that- he was waiting for me at the airport.  Here is one of the things that I made for him:

Kelly’s Quac

2 teaspoons of minced garlic (or less or more- depends on what you like!)

2 tablespoons of cilantro finally chopped (or none if you don’t like it)

Juice of one lemon- at least

2 avacadoes

2 tablespoons of white onion, finely chopped

½ cup of grape tomatoes cut in half

Sea salt- to taste!

Really, all of this is to taste.  This is what I do:  smear the bowl (preferably a wood one) with the garlic.  After that, put the avacodo in and smush it all up.  Then add everything else- tomatoes last.  Fold it all in together.  Add salt to taste – I like lots of lemon, but that’s me.

No Touching

I was in the Chick-Fil-A the other day on the way to teach some lessons- I love Chick-Fil-A.  I remember when I was a kid and they only lived in malls. I was so happy when they ventured out of the mall.

Anyway, while I was there, I had to make a run to the ladies’ loo and saw a curious thing. There was a little girl there in a pink too-too with matching crochs. She was accompanied by her ultra thin mom who obviously ordered the grilled sandwich (and grazed on it for several days) rather me, who devoured the #1 combo before I made it back to the car.

The mom was talking to the girl about the bathroom- I evesdropped in the next stall (I know that’s wrong, but I knew I needed to write another blog-I’ve been bad- and I needed material).

This is what she told the little girl- before they ever entered the stall, “NOW you KNOW the drill!”  She said this just above a whisper, but very urgently- as if she were preparing to do something very dangerous- like cave diving.  “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!”  They shuffled in the stall together and quickly locked the door.  I heard the swoosh of lots of toilet paper being unrolled as the mom covered the entire stall with toilet paper. Then she proceeded to direct the little girl how this was all going to work with a too-too on.

Silence.

“RELAX,” says the mom that looks like a half starved flamingo.  Nothing.

Of course, at this point, I was done, and I made a run for the sink before she got out of there and drained all the hand sanitizer.

At that point, what I wanted to do and say, but knew I shouldn’t was, “ Do you know my 17 month old grabbed horse manure while we were Easter Egg hunting yesterday and almost ate it- and I think I forgot to wash his hands before lunch.  After lunch, he took a nap with our Jack Russell that killed a lizard during the Easter Egg hunt (and of course she rolled in it).  He’s still alive.”

Life is a little different out in the country; however, there are no Chick-Fil-As there.

The Hungry Horseman

Recipe: I was going to do a little installment on what to do with old Easter Eggs- but I left the recipe at home, and I am traveling now.  So, I am going to give you another one instead- this one doesn’t have anything to do with Easter Eggs, but it is very colorful, and a twist on jalapeno poppers- I made it last night because I had a lot of jalapenos left over- here you go:

Healthy Jalapeno Poppers

Ingredients:

However many jalapeno peppers that you want

Cream cheese

Olive Oil

Directions:  Take the peppers and slice them in half.  Cut all of the seeds and veins out of the peppers.  Brush them with olive oil and grill them until they are nice and brown.

Stuff them with cream cheese and broil them until they are brown.  Serve with ranch dressing.   You can be creative and put stuff in the cream cheese- but I usually don’t have time.  They are tasty and easy!

I know that I have been very, very bad.  I am sure that I am almost at the month mark for not posting- but I have been on the road, in a big way.

I started my trek at the beginning of March- off to Northern Florida.  It was a long drive for long time friends and students that I usually get to work with at least once a year.  For some reason, every time I go here, something happens to my trailer- always.  This time it was a trailer leg.

I know that it is hard to believe that trailers have legs, but they do- and they are quite delicate.  I found that out Monday when I was trying to hook up my trailer to my truck- the leg collapsed- much like my ankle did a week later in a parking lot in Tennessee after the Road to the Horse- and it got really smushed- not good.  Luckily some farriers with tools showed up and I was on the road.  Of course, it was not really fixed- just usable.  Camping World- where I bought the thing from- was supposed to fix it.  Even I knew it would not be hard to fix, and I have no mechanical inclinations whatsoever; however, they were giving me the major run around- i.e. I might have screwed it up, it would take a month to get the part- blah, blah, blah.  Not the stuff that they tell you when you buy the thing.  So off I was to Alabama, for my next clinic, and planning on a major detour to Camping World.

As I entered Alabama, I saw the exit for my clinic- and a sign for an RV place- not only was it a RV place but it was also a Boot place.  How interesting, I thought- it was worth a shot and I really didn’t want to do the extra 80 mile round trip for Camping World which was now on my you-know-what-list.  So I pulled off.

When you enter the world of Rving subculture, you will meet some interesting things.  Particulary those that are not mainstream- and I mean KOAs and that- little RV parks that are locally owned.  A bit of Americana if you will.

And this was that.  As I entered off exit 20 at Prattville, AL, I found a little microcosm of boots, a rundown rv park, and a rv fix-it place- which is what I was particularly interested in.  I pulled in and popped out- the manager- i.e. the only other guy that worked there, popped out.

I explained- as distressed as I could sound, about my trailer.  Of course, the other guy that worked there- the maintenance guy- was out, but guy #1 was willing to take a look.  After he took a look, he came out with a hammer, and banged the leg. That didn’t work, so he came out with a bigger hammer and banged it (this was my kind of service).  He scratched his head, left for the garage, and returned with a crow bar.  Got to love it- 15 minutes later and $40 bucks, my leg was fixed.  Then I headed to the “store” where there were two shelves of dusty rv supplies for sale and about 80 shelves of boots for sale.  I kept trapsing the rows for jeans or western wear- there were only boots.  I asked the gal that worked there- the only one- what the deal was- she, of course, was wearing boots, so I knew she worked there.  “The owner likes boots.”

OK.  So I left a bit of Americana, pleased that my leg was fixed and happy to know that Walmart did not completely rule the world.

And here is a recipe- a little bit of Americana, that I got from my friend when I was in Alabama. It reminded me of a recipe that my Great-Grandmother used to make.   She called the corn-pones, and when she made them, I would pat the patties out in my little six year old hands, and hand them to her.  She, in turn, would take her older hands out of ice water, take the pone, and submerge them into a cast iron skillet brimming with hot oil- and fry the pone.  She would then take her hands out, put the pone on a plate, and put her hands back in the ice.  Never a burn, never a whimper.  I know that I was not the first six year old to pat out those pones- and I know that she had done it longer than I am alive now.  I don’t recommend you make them like this-

BUT THEY WERE GOOD!

2 cups of plain cornmeal

2 tsp of baking powder

1/2 tsp of salt

2 eggs

2 Tbs. of shortening

8 Tbs. of cracklings or more- (these are bits of fried bacon!)

Boiling water

Skillet full of hot oil

Sift the cornmeal, baking powder, and salt together in a bowl.  Ade shortening and eggs.  Pour in enough boiling water to make a stiff batter.  Add cracklings and with hands mold into oval shapes- fry.  use a ladle to put in the oil and take out!

The Hungry Horseman

Migrating from South Carolina to Florida is always an interesting experience.  Depending on the time of year that you travel, it is a bit like geese traveling in formation- all fifth wheels in the right lane, then one peeling off to the left lane to take the lead, stay for a bit- then veering to the off ramp to gas up and recharge humans.

As I was driving pass the small gaggles of goosenecks, I noticed their names- The Terminator, The Cougar, the Avenger, Crusader….and I thought- what would a camper stipper’s name be?  So, if I was a camper and named the Terminator- maybe  I add that to my owner’s dogs first name?  So we could have Terminator Terry, Cuddles Cougar, Angie the Avenger, Cindy the Crusader-

These are just things that I think of when I am bored and can’t find a radio station.

So when I arrived safely in my rv park, I spent 1/2 an hour trying to reverse into my spot.  I realize that this offers an incredible entertainment opportunity for the seasonal residents at the rv park, as well as a huge amount of frustration on mine.  Of course, something has to go wrong immedietly after that- this time it was the propane.  It is as if the rv gods pick something that will make me uncomfortable but not quite kill me- like the absence of propane.

After several frustrated cell phone calls to my husband who, of course, is not there- the rv behaves when he is around- I figured out after asking several senior strangers in hawiian button down shirts that I am, indeed, out of propane.

At that point, I have to console myself that I will survive in Florida for one night without propane.  I feel like a contestant in Survivor.  At least I have cable- and wireless.

The Hungry Horseman

Rocky is my new horse.  I vowed after my last new horse that didn’t work out because he refused to grow that my next horse would be one that does grow.  Rocky definitely has no problem with that.

Sometimes when I run out to the Piggly Wiggly to get groceries, I will glance at Rocky hanging out at the All-You-Can-Eat-Round-Bale-Buffet and think, “Wow, his withers have finally caught up to his butt.”  Then I get back from the Piggly Wiggly- approximately 15 minutes later, and his butt grew- in 15 minutes.  Now he is butt high again- meaning his withers are going to get taller and so begins another growth spurt.

He is not 3 yet but taller than all of my other horses- which makes him about 17 hands.  Definitely no shrimp.  When I ride Rocky it is like riding a giraffe (even though I have never ridden a giraffe, this is what I think it might be like).  His neck sticks straight out of his body when he canters and each of his four legs has a mind of its own.  They definitely don’t know what the other one is doing.  This doesn’t work out so well for us when we have to step up onto something.  Generally, he tries to walk through it.  When that doesn’t work out for him, he crumples down in the front like a camel until his back legs catch up.  I am not afraid of being bucked off- just sliding off the front end.

We have not dared to jump anything yet.  Cantering is still precarious.  Backing over things is slightly dangerous-  going straight and turning slowly- sometimes at the trot- is a feat at the moment.

I don’t have any good giraffe recipes (they are way too cute to eat, are you kidding me?) but I do have a great salmon recipe. This is so healthy and easy- I could eat it every day!!!

Super Yummy Salmon

Marinade:

3 tablespoons of soy sauce (I use the low sodium stuff)

2 tablespoons of dijon mustard

2 tablespoon of crushed garlic

6 tablespoons of olive oil

2-3 lb salmon

Stir it up, set half aside and pour the rest of it in a baking dish.  Put your salmon filet in and rub the marinade all over it.  Marinade for about 15 minutes or so. Get the grill going- when the grill is ready, get cooking!  Depending on how thick your salmon is, probably a few minutes on each side- don’t ov

Yesterday, Athena come for a visit.

Athena is a 3 year old Buckskin Appendix mare. She is a nurse foal. This is one of the reasons that I am doing this blog- to help horses like Athena.

Athena was born as a bi-product. Immediately after she was born, she was taken away from her mother. Athena was lucky that a rescue took her. Others like her are shot and thrown into “foal”pits or taken to auction for meat or their pelts. Another foal was then given to her mother to nurse. In turn, that foal’s mom was bred again- and so the cycle goes on.

This is not against the law, it is common in the Thoroughbred industry, and it is appalling. I hope that by bringing awareness to it that it will stop.

That wasn’t the worst thing that has happened to Athena- believe it or not. After she was rescued, she was adopted out to well intending people who then didn’t feed her enough. Two weeks ago she was taken back by the rescue because she was starving.

And now she is here, to get healthy and learn how to be a good citizen. She’ll do Parelli with us, get started under saddle, and we’ll help her find a good home. This is where you come in.

I will let you know about her progress and hope to find her a good home in a couple of months- will keep you updated.

The Hungry Horseman